Holding Bay

The last few months for me have been a strange journey.

Last year I focused a lot of time and energy on learning as a way to cope with the emotions of being isolated from my family and my husband.

From that, I became a certified Thrive Factor Profiler, Theta Practitioner and birthed my signature program ‘Awaken’.

This felt very exciting and there was a lot of momentum moving into the beginning of this year.

Then everything stood still.
It’s a strange sensation and I may not fully articulate what this has been like.

The words that I used were “I feel like I’m in a holding bay”.

Anytime that I would try to create or look forward I would get a full body “no” as though hands were placed on my shoulders telling me not yet, stand still, be patient.

This has at times been confusing, frustrating.

In fact, I have questioned my purpose on more than one occasion the last few months.

This has not been a comfortable space for me to be in and my only option has been to surrender and trust my intuition and the guidance of the Universe.

I decided around the same time to shift my focus then on what I needed and how I could best nurture myself.

From that, I was guided to dive into the Divine feminine Goddesses by connecting with a beautiful group of women.

This is supporting me in connecting to my femininity on a much deeper and more profound level.

What I have realised these last few days is that I am once I again going through another spiritual shift or awakening on a deep cellular level.

I am in a chrysalis and I can feel that a huge shift is about to take place.

I don’t know what that looks like I just know and trust that whatever emerges is perfect for where I am at this stage of my personal and spiritual growth.

A large aspect of that is embracing more of my femininity.

I was reminded a few days ago of my early years.
I developed large breasts at a very young age.
I was one of the first girls in grade 6 to wear a bra.
My experience of this was not great, I remember that the boys would chase me around the playground at lunch time just so they could flick my bra strap.
I was terrified, ashamed, embarrassed, and humiliated.
My desire to go through this phase quietly and privately did not happen.

In my teens and early adult years my experiences were even more uncomfortable as boys and men alike would stare at my breasts, to the point that they would not even speak to my face, they spoke to my boobs.
At times I felt violated, ashamed, angry, and unsafe.

So I began to dress in clothes to try and hide them. 

Eventually, I chose to have them reduced.

The reason that I am sharing this is that I learned or decided from a very young age that being feminine was something that I had to hide in order to be and feel safe.

No matter where you are on your spiritual path there will always be deeper levels of healing and growth that takes place.

My journey in peeling back the layers for healing to take place always reveals greater opportunity for further self love and self acceptance.
This has certainly been the case for me for the last 7 years.

So now I find myself going even deeper into this.

My introduction into the gorgeous 12 Thrive Factor Archetypes last year I feel was the beginning of this, each of them holding within them beautiful aspects of the Divine Feminine, goddesses in their own right.

Theta healing for me has been another step towards this as I continue to release blocks, fears and beliefs from this life, past lives and all I have carried with me ancestrally and genetically.

Supporting the gorgeous women who are working through my Awaken program has been another step of the metamorphosis.

Fully embracing, embodying and working with the Divine feminine Goddess consciousness feels to me to be the final piece of the puzzle in this cycle of change and transformation that I am currently experiencing.

So, wherever you are right now please know that you are not alone.

Growth, change and letting go of the old can feel uncertain, scary and at times frustrating.

What I do know and trust for sure is this.

While it may not seem clear to you in this moment, you will reach a place where it all makes sense.

When it does you will realise that it has all been for your highest good to support you in emerging into the version of yourself you are meant to be.

In Love and Gratitude