Having spent the majority of my life being a Yes person and a chronic people pleaser, setting healthy boundaries for myself was something that I had always struggled with.

Saying no to someone always came with the fear of rejection, and of not being loved.

What I have come to know is this…

The people who love and value you the most are totally loving, respectful and accepting of your boundaries.

Why?  Because these are YOUR people. They are the ones that value you as a person and they support your choices.

The people that don’t like your boundaries are NOT your people and it’s ok to not have them in your life.

We spend so much of our precious energy trying to get love and validation from people whom if we are completely honest with ourselves are not in alignment with our own integrity or personal values.
Learning to say thanks but no thanks with love has empowered me greatly in my life.

Choosing the right kind of people to surround myself with has improved my life and my sense of happiness.

Saying sure I’m happy to do that – and then saying when suits me to do so has also empowered me in my life.

On an energetic level when you decide to set boundaries for yourself you are in fact making the statement to the world that you matter, your needs are important and it is the greatest act of self love that you can do for yourself. It is from here then that you begin to attract to you the right people who love, value, accept and honour you.

This creates a ripple effect in your life as you begin to experience more love, value and respect from those that are already in your world.

Those who are not your people will either step up to being that or will simply fade out of your life.

Where in your life do you currently need to set healthy boundaries that serve your highest good?


What do you REALLY have control of?

So many of us I am sure can relate to this at some level in points of our lives, or you may be experiencing this now in your life. 

I once used to suffer from a terrible need to control my environment and everyone in it in order for me to feel safe and comfortable.

Many of you may know this intimately or you have someone close to you that is like this.

The house needs to be spotless, things need to be done in a certain way or everything about you is micro managed.

I have experienced both being this person and being on the receiving end of said persons.

I don’t know how many nights I came home from work and would rant and rave because the house was not clean enough.

I will admit that I ranted and raved at my kids when really I was angry that my then husband, who had been at home all day and had done nothing.

So instead of saying anything to him about this, I would rant and rave in the general direction of who ever was in ear shot. 

It was on one such occasion that all of the wind went out of my sails as I almost had an out of body experience and saw and heard myself in that moment and witnessed the impact I was having on the ones I loved the most, my kids.

In that moment I realised that not only was I negatively impacting myself both physically and energetically, I was also having the same impact on my kids.

I have also experienced working in an environment where everything was controlled and micro managed.  Again this had a negative impact on my physical, emotional and energetic wellbeing.

In all of these instances there was a constant underlying thread. I was either trying to control everything outside of myself, or was being controlled by people and situations again outside of myself.

The last 6 years of meditating daily has taught me many things about myself and the world around me.

One of the most freeing however has been the realisation that there are only two things in this life that I have any control over.

How I feel, and how I respond, in any given moment.

Now I known that many of you may instantly think that you don’t have control over how you feel and I beg to lovingly differ. 

Whenever you have an emotional response to something or someone we often blame that person or situation for making us feel a certain way. I would like to break it down to you like this.

No one can emotionally make you feel anything. What actually occurs is that you have a visceral response in your body, hormones are then released into your blood stream.

From this you then attach a thought to that response eg: 
I have a tightening in my body –
Thought = that is because ***** said this or did this thing.

Then you attach the thought to the emotion and potentially continue to add more thoughts to create a structure or a story around that initial response coming up with the conclusion that this person or situation made you feel a this way.

As confronting as this may feel or sound to you it really is only our thoughts about a situation that makes us feel a particular way.

So how can you take back your own power and control in these situations?

First stop and take and breath Ask yourself “What are the thoughts that I am thinking right now” 9 times out of 10 those thoughts will be negative either about you or the other person.

Replace those thoughts with these suggestions:
I am enough 
I am safe and loved
Everyone is doing the very best that they can with the resources they have
This is not about me and everything to do with how this person is feeling internally right now
I am worthy 
I am doing the best that I can right now
I am ok 

This form of instant rethinking puts an immediate stop to the train that you were about to hop onto and allows you to control how you respond in this situation and how you feel internally. 

This is a technique and a strategy that I have been using the last five years and it has been instrumental in placing me back into being at cause in my life rather than being at the effect of everything and everyone outside of myself.

I have no control over anyone else, how they feel, what they say or even what action they take.

What I can control is how I feel, how I respond and what action I choose to take in my life.

I have given so much of my power over to other people and situations in my life and I no longer chose to do.


The Universe is seeking you to be its voice

You know every time that I think to sit down and write a blog I am immediately filled with thoughts of I don’t have anything to say and have no idea what to talk about.
Yet sit me down in front of a group of people and you would be hard pressed to shut me up because ideas and information spews forth from me like an erupting volcano.
In those moments it is easy for me because I am being of service to others and I am fully connected to the group energy and the energy of the Universe.
So I always trust that the exact right words, ideas and information that is for the highest good of the group will always come to me.
I guess in a way this is really no different as I am still working to the group energy of whomever shall read this, but it is still so much easier when you are in front of someone.
I find this to be a common belief by many people, they believe that they have nothing to say or what they do want to say will not be valued or heard by others.
It is only when our thinking mind gets in the way that we find ourselves completely mute or stuck. 
Then there is the magical moment when the Universe steps in and works through you at the perfect moment without you even having to think about it. 
I am sure that you have had plenty of moments yourself when someone has come to you with something and you have found yourself saying words to them and then afterwards you were like “wow where did that come from?”
To me it feels like this… I see the Universe as a constant source of energy that is always seeking an output, a plug so to speak.
You are the plug and when the current aligns the energy of the Universe flows through you giving way for it to express itself in the perfect way at the perfect time.
Whenever I am faced with an opportunity to be of service to someone else, where once I would have gotten in my head about OMG what is the right thing to do or say here, I instantly send a thought to the Universe “What would you have me say” or “Give me the right words” or a very simple “help”.
The key here is to then trust, be open to the feelings and thoughts that arise within you or come to you from outside of yourself and then take a breath or two and then let it come from your heart.
When words are spoken from the heart, they come from a place of pure love.
When your intention is to be of service to another or to ease another’s suffering there is a deep resounding truth that resonates through your words and touches the heart of the other on a deep soul level.
Fear is not an option here, faith that you are divinely guided in all situations will rise you above all of your doubts and self judgments and instantly place you into full alignment literally with Divine intervention.
So if it is your intention to be of service in what ever way serves your highest good, then surrendering to the love of the Universe will always guide you true.
You will know in your heart if this has occurred as it is usually common that afterwards you can’t really remember what you said.  In the moments that those words are flowing from you there is a sense within you of a profound experience occurring.
Allowing the Universe to use you as its conductor of energy feels amazing, your heart expands, you feel safe, and you know on some deep level within you that it is not from you that the words are coming from, it feels natural, it flows easily and it is full of love.
So the next time that you find yourself in a conversation with someone which by the way is never random. 
Trust that this has been beautifully manoeuvred by the energy of the Universe and in this moment it has chosen to plug into you so that its loving wisdom can flow through you to the person in need of its message.

What if just for today normal was you as you are!

I love the work of the great Maya Angelou.
I especially love this quote from her.
“If you’re always trying to be normal you will never know how amazing you can be”
Having spent a lifetime of trying to fit what others needed me to be in order to feel loved and accepted was debilitating and exhausting.
I never felt “normal” growing up and as an empath I spent most of my early years and adulthood trying to change how I was in order to make other people happy.
I believed that if I made them happy then they would love and accept me in the way that I needed.
This was so confusing for me as I often felt as though I was continuously walking a tight rope and at any given moment I could fall off into the abyss below.
This led to years of not having a clue of who I really was and I constantly felt ready to run or ready to fight.
With this also came the belief that there must be something fundamentally wrong with me, that something deep inside of me was flawed.
This was the conclusion that I came to as otherwise I would be good enough for people to love me for who I was. Right?
I would often be with a group of people and feel so totally on the outer, as though I was standing on the other side of some invisible glass wall and no matter what I said or did those who were on the inside could not see me or hear me.
I often did things that were crazy out there and pushed all of the boundaries just to see if people would even knew that I existed.
If I could warp back in time I would grab my younger self up in the biggest hug and tell her how incredibly awesome she was.
I would tell her how amazing her thought processors were in how she viewed the world for someone so young.
I would tell her that I admired and respected her values and intuitive knowing of how people deserved to be treated.
I would tell her that her ability to read other peoples thoughts and emotions were her superpower and that one day this would give her to the skills to help others who could not or did not know how to help themselves.
I would tell her that she was perfect just the way she was and that she belonged here.
I would tell her that her voice was beautiful and touched the hearts of others.
I would tell her that her crazy laugh and sense of humour was so infectious that it lifted the spirits of those around her, and give them permission to do the same.
I would tell her that her ability to laugh at herself and not care who she embarrassed herself in front of would one day give her the courage to stand in front of others and give them the courage to be themselves also.
I would tell her that her body was beautiful and that she should stand tall and proud.
I would tell her that her spiritual connection to the energy of the Universe and God was her magic wardrobe doorway into other worlds.
I would tell her that her uniqueness was what made her special.
I would tell her that there is nothing wrong with her and that as long as she loved herself no one else’s opinions would ever harm her.
My younger self had to wait more than 40 years to hear those words from her future self and I still have to remind her of that often.
Who you are is who you were born to be.
When you spend your life determining your worth based on the opinions of others, of trying to fit into the picture of “perfect” that society has determined and lets be honest ‘NO ONE” can ever achieve, you are left with the constant sense and feeling of NEVER being good enough for anyone.
What if just for today you focused all of that energy and all of that time on just being who you are now and being completely ok with that.
What if just for today you laughed when you wanted to, you jumped up and down when you wanted to, you said what was in your heart when you wanted to, you shared your views when you wanted to, you played and goofed around when you wanted to, you ate what you wanted to just for the pure joy and pleasure of it, you made daisy chains and tied them around your head, you sang at the top of your lungs, you danced like no one has ever danced before.
Just because you want to.
What if just for today you didn’t wait for someone else’s approval to just do you.
What if just for today you let everyone else worry about themselves and you just focused your love and attention on you.
What if just for today you allowed yourself to be ok just as you are.

What if just for today you said F*K you to normal and embraced every beautiful, quirky, whacky, joyful and wonderful aspect of who you are. 

Big love

Are your external relationships leaving you wanting?

I can’t help but wonder how satisfying relationships can be if there is a constant need within for validation, approval and acceptance.

It has been my own personal experience that the more that I turn my attention to the outward validation that I may be seeking the unhappier and more dissatisfied I become. 

This feeling of approval, acceptance and validation is a fundamental human desire, it is a basic human need and we continuously seek this outside of ourselves through people, experiences and things.

Have you ever experienced the desire to have a new car and for months the mission of finding the perfect car at the perfect price lights you up and fills you with excitement?

Then once you have the car for a month all of those feelings of happiness and satisfaction are gone and your car is just a car. 

This is how fleeting our attachment to external people or objects is. 

When you attach your happiness to form it can never continue to provide you with the same level of happiness.

I am sure like me most of you have experienced what you believed to be the perfect partner.  

This initially fills you with feelings of love, security, acceptance and happiness. 

Then after a few months there are behaviours or quirks of the other person that no longer continue to give you the same high that you once felt and you begin to become discouraged or confused and start wishing that it could be like it was in the beginning.

What I have observed in my own behaviour and in the experiences of so many people that I have worked with is this.

In the moment that you believe that you have found the “thing” that is going to complete you, make you feel whole, safe, loved and happy you place upon it the need for it to remain exactly as it is and to not ever change.

This in itself is impossible as we live in an ever evolving and ever changing world.  

People have their own growth to experience and in the moment that you want them never to change you are in fact taking your heart out of your chest, placing it onto a platter and presenting it to the other person for them to now forever be responsible for your happiness. 

I love my husband dearly and it has not always been an easy road for us.

At the time that I began to go through what I lovingly call my “reawakening” process I was afraid that our relationship would not survive how radically I was changing. 

When I say changing what I mean is that finally I was stepping fully into the truth of who I was meant to be and embracing all of my natural born spirituality.

I was receiving so much information from the Universe and in a sense unlearning all that I had known myself to be before.

It was in those very early days of beginning to speak what I was receiving, the connection that I was building not only with myself but with Source. 

I think it is fair to say that not many people around me were speaking my language and this only further fuelled my life long need of being accepted and loved. 

It was raw, it was thrilling, it was terrifying and it was liberating all at the same time.

What this experience taught me was that the only approval, validation, acceptance and love that I was really seeking was my own. 

My only choice was to love me for who I had been and who I was now becoming.

The relationship that I was reigniting with my Soul and the Universe was becoming so important to me that there was no other need that I felt, there was nothing material or external that could possibly fill the desires that I had previously had. 

Here was an unconditional love and support that no one else was actually capable of providing me with.

These are some of the steps that helped me help myself on my spiritual reawakening

* Through regular meditation I accessed a part of myself that I have forgotten, the soul aspect of myself 

* Meditation connected me to an unconditional love that I had never truly experienced before 

* Whenever I felt unloved, unsupported or unheard I immediately went within and asked myself how I could love myself more, support myself more and what was the voice within that I was not listening too

* Daily mirror gazing and telling the reflection of myself in the mirror how proud I was of her, how much I valued her, how much I like this new person looking back at me and how much I loved the person that I was before 

* I became brave enough to speak what was really in my heart and mind 

* I allowed myself to be truly vulnerable and that terrified the crap out of me

What happened then over the course of many months and years was this:

* The Universe placed the perfect people in my space that were ready to hear the new discoveries and truths that were unfolding for me. 

* My relationship with my friends, my children and my partner deepened.

* My need for external validation and approval reduced significantly – I say this because it occasionally arises within me but I am now fully equipped with all that tools I need to come back to centre. 

* I forgave myself and others 

* I grew in leaps and bounds both personally and spiritually.

So my beautiful friend are your external relationships leaving you wanting or a bad taste in your mouth? (If however you are at risk of harm please seek immediate assistance)

If so then I invite you to begin implementing the above strategies into your daily life.

The sooner you start building the perfect relationship with yourself first and foremost the sooner this can become a physical manifestation in your external world.