I can’t help but wonder how satisfying relationships can be if there is a constant need within for validation, approval and acceptance.
It has been my own personal experience that the more that I turn my attention to the outward validation that I may be seeking the unhappier and more dissatisfied I become.
This feeling of approval, acceptance and validation is a fundamental human desire, it is a basic human need and we continuously seek this outside of ourselves through people, experiences and things.
Have you ever experienced the desire to have a new car and for months the mission of finding the perfect car at the perfect price lights you up and fills you with excitement?
Then once you have the car for a month all of those feelings of happiness and satisfaction are gone and your car is just a car.
This is how fleeting our attachment to external people or objects is.
When you attach your happiness to form it can never continue to provide you with the same level of happiness.
I am sure like me most of you have experienced what you believed to be the perfect partner.
This initially fills you with feelings of love, security, acceptance and happiness.
Then after a few months there are behaviours or quirks of the other person that no longer continue to give you the same high that you once felt and you begin to become discouraged or confused and start wishing that it could be like it was in the beginning.
What I have observed in my own behaviour and in the experiences of so many people that I have worked with is this.
In the moment that you believe that you have found the “thing” that is going to complete you, make you feel whole, safe, loved and happy you place upon it the need for it to remain exactly as it is and to not ever change.
This in itself is impossible as we live in an ever evolving and ever changing world.
People have their own growth to experience and in the moment that you want them never to change you are in fact taking your heart out of your chest, placing it onto a platter and presenting it to the other person for them to now forever be responsible for your happiness.
I love my husband dearly and it has not always been an easy road for us.
At the time that I began to go through what I lovingly call my “reawakening” process I was afraid that our relationship would not survive how radically I was changing.
When I say changing what I mean is that finally I was stepping fully into the truth of who I was meant to be and embracing all of my natural born spirituality.
I was receiving so much information from the Universe and in a sense unlearning all that I had known myself to be before.
It was in those very early days of beginning to speak what I was receiving, the connection that I was building not only with myself but with Source.
I think it is fair to say that not many people around me were speaking my language and this only further fuelled my life long need of being accepted and loved.
It was raw, it was thrilling, it was terrifying and it was liberating all at the same time.
What this experience taught me was that the only approval, validation, acceptance and love that I was really seeking was my own.
My only choice was to love me for who I had been and who I was now becoming.
The relationship that I was reigniting with my Soul and the Universe was becoming so important to me that there was no other need that I felt, there was nothing material or external that could possibly fill the desires that I had previously had.
Here was an unconditional love and support that no one else was actually capable of providing me with.
These are some of the steps that helped me help myself on my spiritual reawakening
* Through regular meditation I accessed a part of myself that I have forgotten, the soul aspect of myself
* Meditation connected me to an unconditional love that I had never truly experienced before
* Whenever I felt unloved, unsupported or unheard I immediately went within and asked myself how I could love myself more, support myself more and what was the voice within that I was not listening too
* Daily mirror gazing and telling the reflection of myself in the mirror how proud I was of her, how much I valued her, how much I like this new person looking back at me and how much I loved the person that I was before
* I became brave enough to speak what was really in my heart and mind
* I allowed myself to be truly vulnerable and that terrified the crap out of me
What happened then over the course of many months and years was this:
* The Universe placed the perfect people in my space that were ready to hear the new discoveries and truths that were unfolding for me.
* My relationship with my friends, my children and my partner deepened.
* My need for external validation and approval reduced significantly – I say this because it occasionally arises within me but I am now fully equipped with all that tools I need to come back to centre.
* I forgave myself and others
* I grew in leaps and bounds both personally and spiritually.
So my beautiful friend are your external relationships leaving you wanting or a bad taste in your mouth? (If however you are at risk of harm please seek immediate assistance)
If so then I invite you to begin implementing the above strategies into your daily life.
The sooner you start building the perfect relationship with yourself first and foremost the sooner this can become a physical manifestation in your external world.