I woke up today and the weight of the world seemed to crash down on me.
I have spent weeks with the mindset and intention that this whole virus thing would not beat me or get me down.
I have realised today that there has been an aspect within myself that has felt that there is a need to fight or defend against this.
I have taken it upon myself to be the light within this situation and I do feel that this is what my function is.
However, in order to be the light there must first be darkness in order to see the light.
Over the last few weeks I have been ignoring the shadow aspects of myself.
Your shadow is that aspect of you that you try very hard to pretend is not there, you distract yourself or you “up” yourself in order to not spend time with your shadow.
For many years this is what I did through my spiritual practices.
I believed that I could squash those aspects of myself that I was not so fond of by being the best spiritual version of myself that I could be.
I can see now that my spiritual practices are in fact the doorway through which my shadow self can step over the threshold in order to fully reveal itself so that I can be loved and accepted by all of who I am.
So today I sat and gave myself permission to not be ok.
As I am a person who always seeks for what it is that I can do to support myself in the best way possible.
I always open the pages of my journal to allow whatever is hidden within me to come to the surface so that I can shine the light of my heart upon it.
It is my belief that what we are experiencing on the planet at this time is a reflection of the internal fear that we have all been operating under for such a long time.
It is a reflection of our judgements of others, it is a reflection of our belief that we are separate, it is a reflection of how intently we have distracted ourselves from going within, it is a reflection of the fear that on some level we are fundamentally flawed.
Never before have we been given such a magnified opportunity to go within and review ourselves.
This is a time of great self reflection.
Never before have we been given this chance to stop doing and just BE.
All of those decisions that you have been putting off making are now sitting there in front of you shining like a bright neon sign.
Years of ignoring the voice of your intuitive heart can no longer be drowned out with the noise of busyness.
The voice of your heart is demanding your attention now.
So as I picked up my pen and started writing my permission to not be ok today, I noticed something wonderful begin to happen.
As each emotion that I was feeling was given a voice my writing shifted from the negative emotions that I was feeling and moved gracefully into gratitude.
This also bought to the forefront of my awareness what my internal dialogue was saying over and over “I am spiralling”.
Now a belief is just a thought that you continue to think over and over again.
This was my thought, I am spiralling and with that was a sensation of dropping downward and fear.
The sensation then felt like losing control which as many of you would know is not a comfortable feeling.
In this moment I made the decision to allow these feelings and thoughts to have my fullest attention.
This is where the magic happened.
The spiral that I not only felt but could also see as an image in my mind turned on its head.
The opening of the spiral was no longer facing downward it was now facing upward.
I began to say things like…
I am spiralling upward
I am spiralling up towards safety
I am spiralling upward towards happiness
I am spiralling upward towards joy
I am spiralling upward towards freedom
I am spiralling upward towards expansion
I am spiralling upward towards higher perception
I am spiralling upward towards creativity
I am spiralling upward towards light
It was through this that I began to feel my energy and vibration begin to rise up and the tightness within my body eased.
In allowing myself to express what I was feeling and thinking, I opened the doorway to higher perspective and freedom.
My negative thought in this moment became the springboard to completely move me out of where I was.
Just for today
It is ok to not be ok
Just for today
It is ok to feel frustrated
Just for today
It is ok to feel angry
Just for today
It is ok to feel sad
Just for today
It is ok to feel lost
Just for today
It is ok to feel lonely
Just for today
It is ok to feel uncertain
Just for today
It is ok to not have all the answers
Just for today
It is ok to unplug
Just for today
I will honour my feelings
Just for today
I am safe where I am
Just for today
I am grateful for the roof over my head
Just for today
I am grateful for the friends that I can speak to instantly
Just for today
I am grateful for the ability to walk down my street
Just for today
I am grateful for the fresh water I have to drink
Just for today
I am grateful for my delicious coffee
Just for today
I am grateful for the love in my heart
Just for today
I am grateful for the beauty of life
Just for today
I am grateful for my health
Just for today
I am grateful for the food on my plate
Just for today
I am grateful for the company of my dogs
Just for today
I am grateful for the birds that I can hear
Just for today
I am grateful that I have to the choice to choose where I focus my attention
Just for today
I am free
When you bring the shadow into the light, the light holds out her arms and lovingly embraces and transmutes the darkness.
Blessings
Kerryn
xxx
