Spirituality is not a get out of jail free card in the human experience

This is a misconception that I have come across many times on my spiritual journey.

There seems to be this idea that because I am connected to my heart, the Universe and Spirit that I am somehow exempt from experiencing pain, grief, and suffering. 

If anything, I would say to you that my experiences throughout my life have at times been the complete opposite. 

There is not a time in my life that I can remember where I was not intuitive, where I was not emphatic to the emotions and feelings of others, or a time when I could not hear or sense the thoughts of others. 

This in itself has caused me a great deal of pain throughout my life.

I have spent a lifetime trying to make others happy just so that I could ease the feeling of pain in my body while in their presence. 

For the majority of my life I actually believed that I must have been the cause of their unhappiness or that others were upset with me personally. 

I would often walk away from a conversation feeling utterly confused because someone would say one thing and I would feel and hear what they really meant.  

Many times I actually believed that perhaps there was something wrong with me, that I was crazy, and I would often doubt my intuition therefore my sanity.

I can see now that being a highly sensitive intuitive person actually heightened my feelings and emotions.

The world around me was always too loud, being around people was exhausting and further led to my feelings of not fitting in and increased my sense of not being enough. 

From childhood, I not only felt peoples words, I have always felt the physical energy of the emotions that were behind the words. 

I can promise you, words really do cut like a knife into the heart.

So what did I do to solve this very uncomfortable daily experience?

Somewhere along the way I made the decision that in order for me to live this life I must numb all of my emotions and avoid pain at any cost.

I started smoking at an incredibly young age, I made the decision that somehow this protected me from bullying and from my emotions.
I became addicted to sugar – sugar made me feel happy and again numbed any feelings of pain.
Food of any kind became my friend – if I felt sad I ate, If I was angry I ate, if I was bored I ate, if I was happy I ate, If I was lonely I ate.
Alcohol – when I drank that numbed the pain and alleviated any feelings of social anxiety.
Later on, as my world fell apart around me, it became drugs both over the counter and recreational. 

Throughout all of this I continued to follow my spiritual path, yet I had still not fully embraced all of who I was or discovered the wisdom and insight to trust that it was safe to feel my emotions.

So I continued to avoid pain at any cost in any way that I could.

There have been too many dark nights of the soul in my life to count and still I ran.

The greatest pain that I have caused myself throughout my life was running away from my spirituality and my emotions in the hopes of feeling ok in this world.

The last six years have been a healing journey into my heart and my soul.

In stepping fully into my spiritual gifts, I released myself from addiction.
In journeying into my heart through meditation I learned that my emotions were not my enemy and that they were in fact my salvation.
In surrendering to the love of the Universe and reconnecting to my higher power I learned that I was loveable and that I could love myself.
In embracing all aspects of my spirituality, I stopped running and instead faced all of my fears and emotions head on with love and compassion.

It was at this time that I made the conscious decision to fully live this human experience.

Today I feel pain, grief, suffering and fear more intensely than I ever have at any other time in my life.

The difference now is that I am equipped with the tools to lovingly support myself in a healthy way.

I now trust my intuition and the support of the Universe whole heartedly.

I now no longer run away from the pain of my emotions and I allow myself to experience them in whatever way feels right to me.

Being spiritual does not give me a free pass in feeling and experiencing whatever life brings my way.

It does however provide me with a deeper understanding of myself and others as well as a higher perspective as to what my relationship to life is.

I can see now that the beauty of being human means that we have the capacity to feel emotions. 

It is the ability to feel emotion that provides us with the ability to feel empathy, compassion, kindness, and love for ourselves and others.

They are gifts from the Divine and our soul that awaken us as well as raising our levels of consciousness.

Our emotions, whatever they may be, are here to teach us how to be a more loving spiritual being of light.

Life’s experiences awakens us to the light of our true nature should we choose to experience them fully.



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