Are you tired of continually head FKNG yourself?
Do I hear an AMEN, a HELL YEAH, a FCK YES and can you give me a HIGH FIVE!!!
OMG I am so not immune to this and it is something that I continually have to pull myself up on and thank god that I am still a work in progress and can continue to learn and grow as I go.
It frustrates me no end let me tell you when in the grip of the annoyingly negative ego mind.
It has the ability to take you from feeling on top of the world to a babbling mess in the fetal position on the floor in less time that it takes to take a breath.
You know those moments when you have an awesome idea the creative juices are flowing all of the visuals are there for you, you are receiving insights into how you can move forward with your incredibly inspirational idea, it feels exciting and amazing and then BAMM the head FCK’s begin.
I can’t do that
No one will be interested in that
I am not good enough to pull that off
I don’t know enough
I don’t have enough money
I don’t have enough experience
I’m not as good as so and so
I’m not smart enough
I’m not skinny enough
I”m not pretty enough
I’m not skilled enough
No one will listen to me
I won’t be successful
I’ll look stupid
I’m a fraud
Who do you think you are
I’m too afraid
It’s not the right time
What if this and what If that happens.
You get the picture right and I bet that you know this feeling intimately.
This flows into every area of our lives and debilitates us in a way that I just think is down right cruel.
It can become so extreme that even being able to make the simplest decision becomes an excruciatingly painful experience as the fear of messing up rises its ugly head.
You see this is what I have come to know and understand about the Ego mind.
The Ego was once described by Wayne Dwyer as Edging God Out and I totally love this explanation.
If you think about it our Ego mind is the epitome of all things fearful and negative, it is everything that the essence of God/Divine/Spirit/Universe All That Is is not.
I recently shared with all of the beautiful Souls that follow my work a new opportunity that has come up for me and that I have been dreaming of for a long time.
The moment that I put it out there publicly and I started to receive everyones beautiful congratulations and support the head FCK’s began to roll in.
I’m a fraud
What if I fail and look like a fool
I’m not cut out to do this
Who will want to come along to something that I run
I don’t have that much to offer
I’m not good enough
What if let people down
Every negative thought that you could possibly think of filled my whole mind and body.
I was in an extreme state of anxiety and an overwhelming state of fear.
I wanted to delete my post and get the hell out of dodge.
Each time that someone commented with their support I spiraled even further into head FCK Central.
It felt like I was trapped on a speeding train with no way of getting off.
AND the worst thing was, no one could stop the train and get me off but me.
I tried all of my usual affirmations to shift my thinking but each notification that popped up on my feed was like a hook the was dragging me further and further into my unworthiness.
Now don’t get me wrong I was incredibly grateful and blown away by all of the amazing messages of support and congrats that I was receiving it was just in that moment I felt completely as though I did not deserve them.
So what did I do, I ate some food to try and ease the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach – nothing
I had a conversation with my hubby and while he was very supportive – nothing.
I got myself out of the house and tried to distract myself – nothing.
Basically I was trying to numb and run away from the pressure that I could feel in my heart and the churning of my stomach.
By 5.30pm that afternoon close to tears I had had enough, I was beside myself with all of my shitty thoughts and I just could not seem to budge them.
As I sat looking at the clock thinking of how ridiculous this is and how much of my energy I had given away to all that was happening I decided enough was enough.
I knew I needed to shift this shift so I finally (DER) sent a request out to my beautiful Spirit team/Soul/Higher Self.
I sat there with full determination and said…
“Right, I am completely done with feeling this way and I am done with these thoughts, raise my vibes now and reveal to me the truth of this situation. And so it is!
(Yes I do literally create affirmations and statements for every situation in my life)
So I headed out my door again to head to the shops, on the way down I began to feel the weight of my anxiety lifting from my body, I began to feel the energy of love moving into my heart space, I started to say out loud all of the reasons why I absolutely can do this, I reminded myself of all of the things on my spiritual journey that I have learned and all of the study and teachings that I have done and above all else I remembered my WHY.
Images flooded into my mind of all of the people that I have shared my knowledge with and helped and all of the reasons why I wanted to do this kind of work in the fist place.
IN that moment the decision that I made that I no longer wanted to be in a state of fear and my request to see things truthfully was the moment that I raised my vibes and my consciousness out of the continued loop that I had been in all day.
I shifted my focus from fear to LOVE.
This whole situation really frustrated me I will be honest, I had literally wasted my whole day in a state of fear and negativity when it should have been spent celebrating something that I had been manifesting for a long time.
As with everything in life nothing is for naught and there is learning to be had in every situation.
What did I learn?
I learned that I had the power to shift my perception and the moment that I chose do so from my heart was the moment that there shift began to occur.
I learned that the Ego mind really will grab hold of you whenever you feel fear, doubt and uncertainty.
Being aware of the negative thoughts in your mind does not always mean that you can easily shift them but it definitely gives you a greater chance of shifting your focus.
I recognised how much of my life force and energy was expelled throughout that whole day creating a story and a belief within my mind and my body that was complete and utter bullshit.
I witnessed the loop that you can get stuck on and no matter how much you want to shift it if fear is the underlying emotion you will get stuck BUT you can get out of it if you raise your vibe.
Next time that you find yourself in this situation firstly:
- Recognise the underlying thoughts
- Acknowledge that your Ego is only trying to keep you safe
- Thank your Ego for bringing to your attention all of your fears
- Then breathe into your Heart Space
- Hand on heart say “ I choose to move from fear to love show me the truth of this situation now”
- Ask yourself what is important to you about what you are about to do
- Come back to why you want to do this thing
- Ask yourself is it for your Highest Good
- Make a mental list of all of your best qualities
- Note all of the things that you do well.
Feel the presences of your Higher Power wrapping its arms around you in what ever form that may be.
CONGRATULATIONS you have successfully UnFCKD yourself.
What I recognised the most though was that on some level I was given the opportunity to experience that level of doubt and when I finally bought myself back to centre my belief in myself and what I do was even stronger than before.