As a kid growing up, I loved the series, Dr Who.
I was absolutely fascinated and sometimes terrified at the idea of multidimensional worlds and travelling back in time.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could all travel back in time and make different choices based on the information that we have access to today?
But ALAS!! The blue Tardis is out of order and travelling back into the past is not an option.
So much of my healing journey has been recognising that I cannot go back to the past.
There is no opportunity for me to change the choices that I have made in my life.
What I have struggled with the most is coming to terms with, accepting, taking responsibility for, and forgiving myself for the choices that I have made.
I have beaten myself up for so many years over the decisions that I have made and the actions that I have taken.
Words that were spoken that can never be taken back, opportunities lost that I was too afraid to take, and the choices that I made that can never be undone.
The most difficult thing for me to do was to forgive that person that I was for the things that she did or did not do.
There is no time warp machine that I can hop on into and teleport myself back to the moment that I should have said no instead of yes, yes instead of no, or turned left instead of right.
It has been through recognising that the woman that I was at 32 could only have made the choices based on who she was in that moment.
Choices based on the pain that she was in and the level of consciousness that she was at during that time.
The young adult that I was at age 22 did not have the level of life experiences, emotional maturity, wisdom or knowledge that the woman I am at age 49 has had the chance to explore and evolve into.
I have in a way taken myself back into the past but not with the intention of changing anything.
I have ventured into the realms of my psyche to speak with, hold and tell those younger versions of myself that it is all ok.
Everything happened exactly that way that it was supposed to so that I could be the woman that I am today.
To say thank you to her for the choices that she made as it is through those life experiences that I am now in a position to help so many other women going through those exact same moments in time right now.
It is in living all that I have lived that I can with deep empathy, compassion, and love, have a deep understanding for those who are struggling with the same choices and decisions that I once struggled with.
So I have held her, I have told her how proud I am of her, I have reassured her that it was all worth something and that I would not her change herself in any way.
I have forgiven her for all that she chose to do in those moments, and I have done so because she could not have done anything differently based on who she was in that moment in time.
The only Tardis that is available to you is through the doorway of your heart.
A doorway that allows you the chance to travel back to who the version of you is that needs your love, compassion and forgiveness so that you can be released of all unnecessary pain in this reality that is now.
Blessings
Kerryn
xxx
