For the longest time my words, thinking and vocabulary sounded like this:
I can’t do this
I’m not good enough
I don’t want to be here
No one gets me
No one understands me
I’m not lovable
You’re such an idiot
I’m not smart enough
I don’t know enough
No one sees me
No one hears me
I don’t matter
I disliked my body
It’s not fair
Money is the root of all evil
No one values me
I’m a shit mum
I physically could not say no to anyone for fear that they would judge me, reject me, or stop loving me.
The thought of speaking my truth was terrifying, it would literally feel as though a vice was around my throat whenever I attempted to share my feelings or speak up for myself and to ask for what I wanted or needed.
For many years I believed that I deserved the shitty situations and relationships that I found myself in, I believed on some level that there was a “reason” that I was in this situation, that it was part of my divine plan and I was “meant” to be there for a higher purpose.
Little did I know that the “reason” and purpose for those situations was so that I had the opportunity to choose a different belief, to actually say hang on a minute “I deserve better than this” I could choose to leave, choose a different path and say enough is enough.
There were moments in time when I finally found the courage to do and say those things only to find myself in repeating patterns and situations.
They say “better late than never” and my turning point didn’t occur until I was in my 40’s.
And what a turning point that was.
It was my big “wake up” call and kick up the ass from the Universe that YES enough was enough and things had to change and change radically.
It began with the seeds of I can’t keep doing this.
A knowing deep in my body that there must be a better way.
An intuitive nudge that my life did not have to continue the way that it was.
So I began asking the Universe to help me help myself, to show me the way, to give me a sign and give me the strength and the courage to make the changes I knew I needed to make.
In the beginning, it was terrifying.
What if people judged and criticised me
What if I was persecuted (metaphorically)
What if people left me
What if I left people
What if others stopped loving me
Who would I be if I changed
What would that look like
What would that feel like
What if, what if, what if ……………………
So my words, thinking and vocabulary started to shift to ths:
I can do this
I am enough
I deserve to be here
I get me
I understand who I am
I am lovable
I am intelligent
I am wise
I know all that I need to know
I see me
I hear me
I love and approve of myself
The Universe has my back
Everything is always working out for me
I am abundant in every way
My body supports me in every way
I am valued and valuable
I am the best mum I know how to be
AND I began to speak my intuitive wisdom, I began to set healthy boundaries and not move the goal post.
I began to say this is what I need to do, and you can choose to support me or not, either way this is what I need to do.
I developed a healthy and loving relationship with myself.
I did lose people and situations.
I left a job, a soul destroying job and started doing the work that I LOVE most in the world, teaching meditation, healing, readings and coaching.
The toxic people in my life left and drifted away making way for new healthy and aligned souls to arrive.
The relationships with the people who belonged in my life strengthened and deepened.
This was not an overnight change.
I made a commitment to myself to change, to accept myself, to love myself and to forgive myself.
I promised myself that I would do whatever I needed to do every day to create healthy and positive change in my life.
I made myself, my emotional wellbeing, my spiritual wellbeing, and my health my first and only priority.
The ripple effect of that was huge and far reaching, not only did I create healthy change in me, it also had a positive effect on everyone around me.
This is what it means to “Awaken” and this is possible for you also.
So much love